General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice. |
Today, 04:06 AM | ? #1 (permalink) |
Registered User ?Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 6 | I am married with a young daughter. Our relationship started out with me (a virgin saving myself for non religious reasons) and my future wife who had some experience I didn't know how much. Being my first real relationship I probably asked some questions I shouldn't have and didn't want to know the answers to about her past. She did answer, but also lied some too. I figured out quick I would rather not know and asked her to stop telling me things about her sexual past, but she still did. A while into the relationship we did end up having sex. Even further into the relationship she brought up wanting to have a 3some with another girl. (I declined I thought it might cause problems) Eventually I started catching some of her lies though about her past. Once I learned of a lie I would dig at it until I found out the truth( or what I thought to be the truth) This caused me to learn more and more about her past sex life and how she had slept around a good bit. (men, and women) Now it is to the point where I feel like I'm causing problems from jealousy about her past. (Her lies still happen, but only about her past which I think I shouldn't really be bringing up anyway, but lies bug me a lot) She still brings up the 3some, but now as a way to fix the jealousy instead of something for fun. I'm very iffy on this. I now have a desire to experience stuff like that, but at the same time I feel like Im abandoning my old values. It also feels a bit like cheating. Im not sure what to do. Feel free to blast away at me if I'm the problem I would rather know it than not.
Last edited by NeedAUserName; Today at 04:14 AM. |
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Today, 04:34 AM | ? #5 (permalink) | |
Member ?Join Date: May 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 3,847 | Quote:
You have serious insecurities about your sexuality you probably wouldn't have if you hadn't "saved yourself" (What are you money, a coupon?). You're intimidated by your wife's history because you have none of your own. If I had a nickel for ever guy who "saved himself" and ended up posting the problems derived from it I'd be giving Warren Buffet a run for his money. It's my opinion the only choice you have is to deal with it the best you can because it's not going away in this relationship. Don't do the threesome, it's a catastrophe waiting to happen. | |
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Today, 06:35 AM | ? #10 (permalink) | |
Member ?Join Date: May 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 3,847 | Quote:
I understand and dislike lying as well but at this point her lying may just be a coping mechanism considering you don't seem to deal with her sexual past very well. If every time I answered you truthfully just to end up having you angry, moody, or jealous, I'd be lying too. Trust me when I tell you no woman finds insecurity attractive. I don't understand why at this point the two of you are even having discussions about her sexual past. How does this come up enough to be a stressor in your relationship? My advice on the best course for you take take this relationship on? Assess who and what she is now, decide if she's a person you love, trust, and respect. If you decide she is a person you love, trust, and respect then deal with your issues and hers. If you decide she isn't that person then find the least destructive way to end the situation. | |
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Today, 10:59 AM | ? #12 (permalink) | |
Registered User ?Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 6 | Quote:
I have not trusted her in a long long time, but I do love and respect her. I really want to fix things, but I seem incapable of doing it on my own.
Last edited by NeedAUserName; Today at 11:13 AM. | |
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Today, 12:35 PM | ? #14 (permalink) | |
Member ?Join Date: May 2011 Location: Texas Posts: 7,735 | Quote:
Having a threesome is only going to drive home you are not compatible IMO. __________________"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." "If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear?" -- Confucius | |
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Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/68863-jealousy-lies.html
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